Here's the first of our bathroom jokes:
A man walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender asks the man what he wants. The man says, "Give me a Bud Lite."
When the bartender brings him the beer, he notices the guy pokes at his hand and starts talking. When he stops talking, the bartender asks, "What are you doing with your hand on your face?"
The guy says, "A while ago I was hit by lightning and from then on my hand became a cell phone."
The bartender says, "Oh! You're full of it!"
So the guy says, "If you don't believe me, then here! Tell me your phone number and I will dial it.
The bartender says, "Dial 654-8967."
The guy did so and hands the phone to the bartender who talks with his wife and kids.
After a few drinks, the guy goes into the bathroom. Two other guys come in and the bartender asks they if they saw the guy whose hand is a cell phone. The two guys say "Oh, you're full of it!" The bartender tells them if they don't believe him, then wait until he comes out of the bathroom and they can see for themselves.
After about 15 minutes the guy still hadn't come out of the bathroom so the bartender goes to check on him. When the bartender goes into the bathroom he sees the guy standing there pants down and toilet paper rolling out of his butt.
The bartender asks, "What the hell are you doing?"
The guy says, "Hold on a second! I'm getting a fax!"
More Bathroom Jokes
One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.
She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up.
Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning.
Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" They ask.
"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart.
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