Hockey Jokes



We have a lot of hockey jokes to enjoy:

Q: What's the difference between a hockey game and a prize fight?
A: In a hockey game, the fights are real.

TOP TEN ALTERNATIVE GIFTS TO GIVE A HOCKEY GOALIE THIS HOLIDAY SEASON:
10. SPF 30 sunscreen, for that annoying back of the neck burn.
9. For the significant other on your list, here's one that won't cost you a penny: After the game, you can "tend to his/her equipment", if you know what I mean.
8. Chia Pet (hey, everyone loves chia pets).
7. Ice packs, Ice packs, and more ice packs.
6. Patrick Roy's newest instructional video: "How to alienate a whole city in three easy steps" (endorsed by Mike Keenan)
5. Dominic Hasek's newest instructional video: "Ugly goaltending made easy."
4. Blaine Lacher's newest instructional video: "Riding the Pine with Style"
3. A contract with a real NHL team, instead of an IHL or a contract in hockey hell (Curtis Joesph only)
2. Clothing that brings out the color of bruises.
1. Gift certificate for mental health services.

Other Hockey Jokes

GOING TO A HOCKEY GAME...
Three Canadians and three Americans were traveling to a hockey game.
 The three Americans each buy tickets and watch as the three Canadians buy only a single ticket.

"How are the three people going to travel on only one ticket?", asks an American. "Watch and you'll see," says a Canadian.

They all board the train. The Americans take their respective seats but all three Canadians cram into a bathroom and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the bathroom door and says, "Ticket please!"

The door opens a crack, a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Americans see this and agree it was quite a clever idea. So after the game they decide to copy the Canadians on the return trip and save some money.

When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment the Canadians don't buy a ticket at all.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks one perplexed American. "Watch and you'll see," replies a Canadian.

When they board the train the three Americans cram into a bathroom and the three Canadians cram into another bathroom nearby.

Once the train leaves the station, one of the Canadians leaves and walks over to the other bathroom where the Americans are hiding, knocks on the door and says, "Ticket please!"

More Hockey jokes

Click the links below to see more hockey jokes...

Hockey in Alberta Not rated yet
Two boys are playing hockey on a frozen pond in Red Deer, Alberta, when one of the boys is suddenly attacked by a crazedRottweiler. Thinking quickly, …

Surprising court case... Not rated yet
Toronto, Canada - A seven year old boy was at the centre of a Toronto courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have …

Hockey players in heaven Not rated yet
Wayne Gretzky, Mario Lemieux & Steve Yzerman all die & meet in heaven. God is sitting in his chair waiting for them. God says to the three legends, …

Good Trade Not rated yet
A Canadian hockey player is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.
 His friend Doug stops him and asks, 
"Hey Bob! Whacha …

Nationality Not rated yet
The Toronto Maple Leafs and the Detroit Red Wings are in Toronto playing a close game; tied 1 - 1 late in the third period. Just before a face-off Tie …

Red Wings Fan Not rated yet
A kindergarten teacher tells her class she’s a BIG Red Wings fan. She’s really excited about it and asks the kids if they’re Red Wings fans too. Everyone …

Stranded Fans Not rated yet
There was a huge fire at the All-Star game. Three hockey fans wearing the jerseys of their favorite teams were stranded on the roof; a Montreal fan, a …

Ice Fishing Not rated yet
A drunk decides to go ice fishing, so he gathers his gear and goes walking around until he finds a big patch of ice. He heads into the center of the ice …

Hockey Injury Not rated yet
Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened. Andy replied, "Oh, nothing. It's …

Top 25 Reasons Hockey is Better Then Sex Not rated yet
25. It's ok to bleed during play. 24. If it's a bad game, you can call a time out. 23. Every player usually has two or three sticks to choose from. …

One line jokes Not rated yet
What do the Ottawa Senators and the Titanic have in common? They both look good until they hit the ice! Why do Bruins fans drink from a saucer? Because …

When Hell freezes over... Not rated yet
Two guys from Ottawa die and wake up in hell. The devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and toques warming themselves …

Players... Not rated yet
A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him …

Hockey Fans Not rated yet
A Canadian hockey fan, an American fan and a Swedish fan were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of alcohol. All of a sudden Saudi police …

A True Canadian Not rated yet
It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. …

TOP TEN COOL USES FOR ZAMBONI'S: Not rated yet
10. Tie rookies up and drag them around the rink. 9. Chasing squirrels around the arena parking lot after practice! 8. Get a couple of them and DRAG!... …

TOP TEN SIGNS THAT THAT NEW TEAMMATE OF YOURS MAY BE A ROOKIE:  Not rated yet
10. He wonders when "Nap Time" is... 9. He thinks being sent down to Las Vegas is a GOOD thing... 8. He thinks "Road Trips" means traveling via bus... …






Have a funny joke you want to share?
Click on the submit button below.

submit button



Return from Hockey Jokes to the Home page