Funny One Line Jokes

From just plain funny jokes to thought provoking quips, our funny one line jokes are guaranteed to put a smile on your face.

Our funny one line jokes:

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving may not be for you.

How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

Why do psychics have to ask you your name?

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Marriage changes passion... suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

On the other hand, you have different fingers. 

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

He was lost in thought because it was unfamiliar territory

Nothing is really foolproof for a sufficiently talented fool.

Man who fish in other man’s well often catch crabs

A day without sunshine is like night.

The latest poll finds that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

He started out with nothing, and he still has most of it. 

Remember, half the people you know are below average.

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More funny one line jokes:

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

It was decided that his sole purpose in life was to serve as a bad example.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

He who laughs last; thinks slowest.

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

What hair colour do they put on the driver' licences of bald men?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

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Even more funny one line jokes:

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

The philosopher was laying in bed one night, looking up at the moon, and he thought to himself, "Where the heck is my ceiling?"

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

He doesn't suffer from stress - he's a carrier.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

How can there be self-help "groups"?

Is there another word for 'synonym'?

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Change is inevitable, except for vending machines.

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhoea, does that mean that 1 enjoys it?

How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

I live in my own little world but it's OK, everyone knows me here.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes."

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night

I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot

Money can't buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

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