Chuck Norris Jokes



This selection of Chuck Norris jokes will continue to be updated, with the newest jokes at the top, so check back often!

Our latest Chuck Norris Jokes:

Some kids wear superman pajamas, superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

When Chuck Norris walks through a puddle he doesn't get wet, the puddle gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris' preferred shoe size is Italy.

Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret!

Chuck Norris does not go fishing because fishing has an option of failure - Chuck Norris goes catching...

The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris...

Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Jesus turned water into wine, Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

On the evolutionary chart Chuck Norris looks the same for last 50 million years because he was perfect from day one.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his uzi.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris does not need to use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford changes its actual spelling.

Chuck Norris once walked down a street with an erection... There were no survivors!

Chuck Noris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris is put in a straight jacket to be contained, he doesn't go insane, the jacket does. NOBODY tries to contain Chuck Norris.



More Chuck Norris Jokes

There's no use crying over spilled milk. Unless it's Chuck Norris's milk.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.

Chuck Norris CAN eat just one Lay's potato chip.

Chuck Norris can hold his breathe for nine years.

Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas when he goes to sleep.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.

If you have 10 dollars and Chuck Norris has 10 dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars. That's why there are no signs of life there.

Chuck Norris doesn't dial wrong phone numbers, people answer the wrong phone.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

A roundhouse kick by Chuck Norris is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

There is no such thing as a lesbian, there are just girls who have never met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can tell a black joke with out looking over his shoulder.

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

There is no chin under Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles" contest. Chuck Norris won... by five.

When Chuck Norris has sex with men, it is not because he is gay, but because he has ran out of women.

When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.

Even More Chuck Norris Jokes

Chuck Norris can beat the Sun in a staring contest.

Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through dry land.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around him.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

Chuck Norris' funny bone has never made him laugh, but it has been used to kill.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.




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