Get ready, aim and fire with the following army jokes.
If the enemy is in range, so are you.
- Infantry Journal
It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.
- U.S. Air Force Manual
Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons..
- General MacArthur
You, you, and you... Panic. The rest of you, come with me.
- U.S. Marine corps Gunnery Sgt.
Tracers work both ways.
- U.S. Army Ordnance
Five second fuses only last three seconds.
- Infantry Journal
Any ship can be a minesweeper. .. Once.
Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.
- Unknown Marine Recruit
If you see a bomb technician running, keep up with him.
- USAF Ammo Troop Manual
You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.
- Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)
The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe.
When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.
What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, .... The pilot dies.
Never trade luck for skill.
The three most common expressions (or famous last words), in aviation are:
"Why is it doing that?"
"Where are we?"
and "Oh S#*t!"
Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; We've never left one up there!"
Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.
The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.
- Attributed to Max Stanley - Northrop test pilot
There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.
- Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ
If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.
You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.
As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives. The rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks, "What happened?"
The pilot's reply: "I don't know, I just got here myself!"
- Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)
If your attack goes really well, it's an ambush.
Never share a fox hole with someone braver than you.
Always remember your weapon was manufactured by the lowest bidder.
Friendly fire, isn't.
Whenever you are short on men and ammo, but with a huge supply of enemy, you're under attack.
If you're in front of the attack, supportive fire will fall short.
The attack you are ignoring while focusing on another attack is the main strike.
More Army Jokes
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The 1982 Israeli invasion of Lebanon resulted in many dogfights between Syrian and Israeli jet fighters.
In the end, the Syrians lost over 80 planes …
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